A Very Long Day

Last night was my Dad's viewing and today was his funeral. I don't even know how many people I've talked to, hugged and cried with in the last two days. It's been both comforting and exhausting. My father has touched many, many lives and so many people came to express their condolences at his passing. Dad would have been pleased to have so many friends and family around and I think he's happy with how things turned out today. We were blessed with a break in the bad weather. It was sunny and calm - a fitting day for Dad. My emotions have changed so often over the last four days - Ok one moment and then not the next. These constant changing emotions have been so hard to deal with.

In trying to prepare for our talks, my sisters got together and I tried to remember as much as we could about Dad. That's one thing I didn't know about grieving. Your brain blocks your memories for a little while (probably as a defense mechanism) and it's hard to remember anything. The other thing I didn't expect is the physical impact losing my father would have on me. I knew about the emotional aspect, but I didn't realize how hard it is on you physically to lose someone close to you. Some days it's been all I could do just to drag myself out of bed to face the day - I've been dealing with terrible back aches and headaches. And eating has been a hard thing to do - I've either had stomach aches or felt nauseous when I've eaten.

Now that the funeral is over, I'll be spending some time at home this weekend just trying to absorb all that's happened this past week and giving my body a much needed rest. I'm so grateful for family and for the gospel. We may be sad at our loss, but we also know that Dad is in a great place and that he is happy. He's been reunited with his parents and one of his best friend who passed away several years ago. I'm sure he's also helping to prepare his soon to be new great-grandson for his trip to earth in April. So even though we are all sad for us, we take comfort in knowing that Dad is happy and has probably already started on his next mission.

Things I am Thankful for:
All of the prayers on our behalf. The love and support of our friends and family. My beautiful little boy who makes me smile when I feel like crying. My kind and loving husband who has been so strong and supportive. My brothers and sisters and their spouses- this has been so terribly hard but would have been unbearable without all of their love and support. My wonderful and loving parents who have blessed my life more than they know.

My Father

I lost my father yesterday morning. He had a massive heart attack and died almost instantly. This was so unexpected and I'm having such a hard time believing that he's really gone. I feel lost - like I'm a little girl again and I want my daddy. I knew this day would eventually come but not so soon. It's so much harder to face than I had ever imagined and I'm so very sad. He was a good man and a wonderful father. I looked up to him so much and feel blessed to have him as my father. I will miss him more than I can express. I love you Dad. Thank you for your love and your example. Good Luck on this next phase of your life and I'll be looking forward to the day when we'll be reunited again.

Being a Mom

I love being a mom. When I had Zack and Bo, I was so young. I loved my new role and was impatient to see what came next. I couldn't wait until they could crawl, walk, talk, go to school, etc... As a young mom, I relished being the "super mom" - being able to juggle so many things and packing as much as I could into every day. I missed out on so many of the little things. Just sitting together - sharing time together one on one. This time around with Winston, I have a different perspective. I realize now how quickly children grow up. I still can't believe that Zack and Bo are grown and gone. They have become wonderful young men and I'm so proud of them but at the same time, I miss the little boys they used to be. Winston's antics bring back so many memories of Zack and Bo when they were young. I find myself feeling rather nostalgic several times a week. I know now that time is precious and should be savored not rushed. I relish the time I get to have with Winston and only wish that I could spend more with him. He's my little buddy and has been such a blessing in my life. When I found out I was pregnant with Winston, I couldn't help but wonder what Heavenly Father was thinking. I was too old to start over and Zack and Bo were almost grown. Now I understand that He knew exactly what I needed - what our family needed. Winston has truly blessed all of our lives and continues to do so every day. Having him around reminds me of what is really important. There aren't words to express the gratitude I feel to and for my children. I really do love being a mom.

So Very Sick

Winston has been sick off and on since just before Christmas. He came down with the Croup two days before Christmas. Next he came down with a bad cold right before New Years. Then he came down with pneumonia a few weeks after that. He's had a hard month. The pneumonia was brought on by RSV and his lungs got so bad he ended up in the hospital on oxygen and receiving some pretty strong antibiotics. He absolutely hated the hospital and made sure that all of the nurses and doctors knew exactly how he felt about being there. Boy, if looks could kill . . . Let's just say he was very, very happy to get to come home to recuperate. That is one benefit from all of our hospital experiences. His doctor allowed us to take him home because we are "medically savvy" enough to be able to monitor him. He had to come home on oxygen and we checked his progress over the next week. He's doing well now and is completely off of the oxygen. Hopefully this will be our last trip to the hospital for quite a while.
Convalescing at home.

He loved laying on his pillow and watching either Scooby Doo or Blue's Clues.

The oxygen monitor we had to use to check his oxygen levels.

His oxygen machine and tanks.

Lots and Lots of Snow

We've had quite a few snow storms this month and the snow has piled pretty high. Winston was finally healthy enough to "help" his dad shovel the snow last Sunday. He was so proud to have his own shovel and loved helping his dad. He even got to go for a ride on our neighbors tractor who was out helping everyone get their driveways plowed out.
So proud and happy with his snow shovel.

Watching the tractor at work.

Answering "Yes!" to the question "Do you want to go for a ride?"

Getting in the tractor.

All done now. Heading inside to put his shovel away. He's such a wonderful little boy!

Houseboat Fire

On December 18, we lost our houseboat in a fire down at Halls Crossing, Lake Powell. The investigation is still ongoing so we don't know what caused the fire yet. One of the other owners in our houseboat group started a blog to post all of the information and pictures he could find about the fire. Here's the link to this blog http://www.fdockowners.blogspot.com/. We've only owned our share in our boat for two years but enjoyed some really good family trips on this boat. The boys were saddened by the news. We didn't realize that our last trip down to Lake Powell with them before they left on their missions would be our last trip on that boat.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Well, another year has come and gone. We have had so much happen this past year. It's been one of the most eventful ones our family has had. Listing a few of the highlights: We've had several trips to the hospital and to specialists for Winston - his health has stablized and he's doing great now. Zack and Bo are gone on their missions - the preparation involved to send two missionaries was quite exhausting. We had three trips to Lake Powell - fewer than we've taken in years past but good trips none the less. Just before Christmas, we lost our houseboat in an unexplained fire at the dock at Halls Crossing.

2009 is going to be quite a different year for us. Brad and I are adjusting to only having our little guy at home. Zack is now in Japan and Bo will be leaving for Germany shortly. I'm looking forward to hearing about their adventures in these countries. Winston is growning by leaps and bounds and is so smart (I'm sure all moms say that about their children, but he really is!) Our friends and family have been so supportive and helpful throughout the year. I don't think I could have accomplished all that I did without their help and prayers. We really have been blessed and I'm looking forward to what this new year has to offer.

Elder Bo Shafer - Off to the MTC